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Changing Your Stripes
Solutions to a Better Life and Rich Relationships . . .
My affordable prices and convenient service are an alternative to traditional psychology. I offer a principle-based psychology that facilitates lasting change in Who You Are from the heart. Even though others around you have their own issues, truth is, you can only change YOU! So one essential aim towards a better life and relations is . . . to give others a new person to respond to!
Human beings tend to give back what they get. Thus, by changing how you approach and present yourself to others — change how you are being with others in a genuine, heartfelt way — you change the ingredients of the relationship recipe!
In making a cake, if you change even one single ingredient, just slightly, you will bake a different cake. By changing Who You Are, the relationship recipe between you and others is altered, and a different outcome will result, necessarily!
Changing Who You Are from your very core — from your heart — is a process detailed in my book "Changing Your Stripes." C. Terry Warner wrote:
"The only change that matters is a change of heart,
The real Change Process is NOT the tired tripe of Traditional Psychology, that pushes Fake-it-till-you-make-it Self-Talk, a Head-heavy process that can only change verbal scripts and outward behaviors superficially, . . . but CANNOT change the Heart.
Motives Make the Difference . . .
There are two basic motives for presenting a "new" you to others:
1) So you can get others to do what you want them to: A Manipulation Motive.
2) So you can love others and live true to the Truth: A Pure-Heart Motive.
The first motivation is spawned by an egocentric perspective of life. This kind of motivation is pervasively propagated by purveyors of cognitive psychology. When someone teaches "techniques" and "strategies" in regard to human relations, this is a typical indicator of a manipulation mindset , . . . where others exists mainly to further a person's profit, pleasure, and promotion. Within a manipulation paradigm, one learns to reason: "If I can just say the right words or do the right deeds . . . then I can get others to do what I want them to do."
Pre-meditated manipulations may "get you" what you want in the short run, but in the long run the most desirable prize . . . will not be realized.
Pure-Heart Motive . . .
In contrast, the "Pure-Heart Motive" doesn't originate from cognitive conjuring of the head, rather, motivation generates from one's core. In presenting a different person for others to respond to, one is purely motivated by love and truth, and not from a desire to "get" something from others.
The interesting irony is this: As you forget about "getting" anything in return . . . It is then, that the "getting" gets good! As you live your life free from the motive to "fix" and "change" others, . . . It is then that others . . . change! Said a different way: The best way to influence others is to NOT try to influence them.
The second basic motivation is not contrived and conjured by the head, . . . but flows spontaneously from the Heart. In presenting a different person for others to respond to, one is purely motivated by love and truth, and not from a desire to change others . . . although they will change. Again, when the relationship recipe is altered even slightly: A different cake is baked.
But whether you kindly persuade or cleverly manipulate, the truth is, others will do what they will do, and their ultimate choice is beyond your direct control — but NOT beyond your influence. In the end, it should not be your plan or purpose to "make" others to behave in certain ways.
I teach an approach that assures personal peace: "Regardless of how others treat me, I will strive to be loving and live true to the Truth — whether or not this results in desirable responses from others."
The Goal within Your Control . . .
Hence the best goal is NOT to figure out strategies and techniques to "get others to behave in ways that serve a selfish agenda" — instead, the superior aim stays focused upon The Goal Within Your Control: Becoming Loving and True. This goal can be reached no matter the problem or situation. By doing the thing that is loving and true, you will experience peace and contentment that makes living a delight!
And as for the responses of others, you will find that most of your associates will respect you for choosing the way of honor and integrity. While some people within your circle of influence will behave badly, no matter what you do: "You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't." Hence, it is important to avoid "walking on egg shells" — push aside the tendency to shape your life around the upsets of other who behave badly.
We need to proactively live with clarity and conviction, . . . being true to a heartfelt sense of truth; as opposed to living "reactively" by cowering in fear of those who would emotionally manipulate, or physically coerce you according to their selfish agendas. So while we live proactively and resist the manipulations of others that would pull us off our best course, . . . neither should we be a manipulator of others.
I will guide you through a process of making a change from the heart, as opposed to simply altering cosmetic choreography for the sake of what selfish YOU . . . can "get others to do." I will help you discover a new paradigm for understanding your world and teach you how to live in that world most happily!
As Einstein said "One cannot solve a problem with the same mind-set that created it." Thus a paradigm change is called for. And the best way to change the way you see the world, is to change the way you "be in" the world. And for that change to be meaningful and enduring . . . it must be from the Heart.
The truth is: Human beings act in highly habitual ways. Deviating from those ways, those entrenched patterns, while humanly possible, is most often not probable--without the benefit of empowering Ideas and the impact of persuasive Intervention.
We are slaves to the ideas we assume, and take for granted. That which we perceive as real, becomes real in terms of consequences, as we act upon even erroneous ideas. Faulty assumptions about how the human world works, will invariably lead to ill-advised actions.
My job is to discern erroneous ideas, and then invite you . . . to a new and positive way of seeing the world, . . . and thus a new and productive way of being in the world.
Newton's First Law of Physics states: "An object that is set in motion will remain in motion, until acted upon by an outside force." While Newton's Law primarily pertains to predictable patterns in the material world, there are applicable parallels to the behavioral world, as well. Again, human action is highly habitual, and the cumulative total of a lifetime of choices "sets in motion" behavioral momentum that is very resistant to change.
My job is to be an "outside force" that intervenes and interrupts negative inertia--bringing to a halt self-defeating patterns, redirecting behavior into a productive path.
If you find yourself wishing and hoping for changes to happen in your life, but you never seem to do anything about it, you need to consider the benefit an "outside force" that can knock you out of the unproductive orbit you are currently in! If you desire to break free from the nagging habits that hold you hostage, according to Newton, you need an "outside" force to intervene--to knock you out of your present course . . . for if an outside force does not intervene . . . then "an object in motion will remain in motion."
I understand the ironic act of Self-Deception, a.k.a., Fooling Yourself. Freud calls it being "In Denial" and Jesus called it being "Blinded." When you are not being true, it is your own sense of goodness that you are violating! In my helping approach, I do not overlay my value system upon you, rather I help you live true to your own heart-felt impressions.
Self-Deception is when people are ”off” . . . but they do not realize that they are ”off” — they have a problem, but "think" they have a problem.
When people go against their own sense of what is true — when they violate their own sense of Life's Inherent Harmony — they descend into the darkness of denial and become blind to their diversion from truth — they are blind . . . to their blindness. Because I'm know the tell-tale signs that signal "Self Deception, I am able to encourage clients to pursue goals that honor Truth, and shun deception.
Scratching the Surface . . .
There is much more to learn about Self-Deception and the erroneous notions of It's-Not-Your-Fault Psychology and why "positive mental affirmations" and "brain programming" are powerless to bring about lasting Change from the Heart — powerless for changing the inner core of one's character.
Methods use by traditional psychologists and therapist are not only ineffective when it comes to bring about the only change that matters, a change of heart, but traditional therapy can ironically enable "denial" of a problem from its roots.
If you want to get a thorough sense of what I have to offer as an author and consultant, peruse the Table of Contents of my book "Changing Your Stripes." You will find many topics that address your particular issues. If these ideas ring true to you, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation!
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