| Home | Ask Dr Matt | Call Dr Matt | Meet Dr Matt | Quotable Quotes | The Book |

My Approach . . .  

I offer a principle-based approach that facilitates a change in Who You Are from the heart. Even though others you relate with have issues of their own, the truth is: You can only change . . . you! So one essential aim will be for you to give others . . . a new person to respond to!

Human beings tend to give back what they get. Thus, by changing how you approach and present yourself to others—change how you are being with others in a genuine, heartfelt way—you are able to change the ingredients in the relationship recipe!

In making a cake, if you change even one single ingredient, just slightly, you will bake a different cake. By changing Who You Are, the relationship recipe between you and others is altered, and a different outcome will result, necessarily!

Changing Who You Are from your very core—your heart—is the process that I thoroughly describe in my book "Changing Your Stripes." To be clear, the process of change I detail is NOT the tired tripe of Cognitive Psychology—the fake-it-till-you-make-it Self-Talk that can only superficially change verbal scripts and outward behaviors . . . and NOT the Heart.

Motives Make the Difference . . .

There are two basic motives for presenting a "new" you to others:

1) So you can get others to do what you want them to

2) So you can love others and be true.

The first motivation is spawned by an egocentric perspective of life. This kind of motivation is pervasively propigated by purveyors of cognitive psychology. When someone teaches "techniques" and "strategies" in regard to human relations, this is a typical indicator of a manipulation mindset , . . . where others exists mainly to further a person's profit, pleasure, and promotion. Within a manipulation paradigm, one learns to reason: "If I can just say the right words or do the right deeds . . . then I can get others to do what I want them to do."

Pre-meditated manipulations may "get you" what you want in the short run . . . But in the long run, the most desirable prize . . . will not be realized.

Pure-Heart Motive . . .

In contrast, the "Pure-Heart Motive" doesn‘t originate from cognitive conjuring of the head, rather, motivation generates from one's core. In presenting a different person for others to respond to, one is purely motivated by love and truth, and not from a desire to "get" something from others.

The interesting irony is this: As you forget about "getting" anything in return . . . It is then, that the "getting" gets good! As you live your life free from the motive to "fix" and "change" others, . . . It is then that others . . . change! Said a different way: The best way to influence others is to NOT try to influence them.

The second basic motivation is not contrived and conjured by the head, . . . but flows spontaneously from the Heart. In presenting a different person for others to respond to, one is purely motivated by love and truth, and not from a desire to change others . . . although they will change.  Again, when the relationship recipe is altered even slightly: A different cake is baked.

But whether you Kindly Persuade or Cunningly Manipulate, the truth is . . . others will do . . . what they will do, and their ultimate choice is beyond your direct control--but NOT beyond your loving influence. In the end, it should not be your plan or purpose to "get" others to behave in certain ways.

I suggest an approach that concludes: "Regardless of how others respond to me, I must find my personal peace by being loving and true--whether or not this ultimately results in desirable responses from others."

The Goal within Your Control . . .

Hence the goal is NOT to figure out strategies and techniques to "get others to behave in certain ways," instead, the focus is upon The Goal Within Your Control: Becoming Loving and True. This is a goal that can be accomplished no matter what your problem or situation. By doing the true and loving thing, you will find the peace and contentment that makes living a treasure . . . a delight!

And as for the behavior of others, you will find that the majority of your associates will eventually come to respect you for choosing honor and integrity. While the minority of people in your circle of influence will behave badly, . . . no matter what you do: "You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't." And in such cases, it's very important to avoid the tendency to shape your life around the upsets of those who behave badly, i.e., "walking on egg shells."

We need to proactively live with clarity and conviction, . . . being true to a heartfelt sense of truth; as opposed to living "reactively" by cowering in fear of those who would emotionally manipulate, or physically coerce you according to their selfish agendas. So while we live proactively and resist the manipulations of others that would pull us off our best course, . . . neither should we be a manipulator of others.

I will guide you through a process of making a change from the heart, as opposed to simply altering cosmetic choreographies for the sake of what selfish YOU . . . can "get others to do." I will help you discover a new paradigm for understanding your world and teach you how to live in that world most happily!

As Einstein said "One cannot solve a problem with the same mind-set that created it." Thus a paradigm change is called for. And the best way to change the way you see the world, is to change the way you "be in" the world. And for that change to be meaningful and enduring . . . it must be from the Heart.

The Process of Change

The truth is: Human beings act in highly habitual ways. Deviating from those ways, those entrenched patterns, while humanly possible, is most often not probable--without the benefit of empowering Ideas and the impact of persuasive Intervention.

Ideas

We are slaves to the ideas we assume, and take for granted. That which we perceive as real, becomes real in terms of consequences, as we act upon even erroneous ideas. Faulty assumptions about how the human world works, will invariably lead to ill-advised actions.

My job is to discern erroneous ideas, and then invite you . . . to a new and positive way of seeing the world, . . . and thus a new and productive way of being in the world.

Intervention

Newton's First Law of Physics states: "An object that is set in motion will remain in motion, until acted upon by an outside force." While Newton's Law primarily pertains to predictable patterns in the material world, there are applicable parallels to the behavioral world, as well. Again, human action is highly habitual, and the cumulative total of a lifetime of choices "sets in motion" behavioral momentum that is very resistant to change.

My job is to be an "outside force" that intervenes and interrupts negative inertia--bringing to a halt self-defeating patterns, redirecting behavior into a productive path.

If you find yourself wishing and hoping for changes to happen in your life, but you never seem to do anything about it... you need to consider the benefit an "outside force" that can knock you out of the unproductive orbit you are currently in! If you desire to break free from the nagging habits that hold you hostage, according to Newton, you need an "outside" force to intervene--to knock you out of your present course . . . for if an outside force does not intervene . . . then "an object in motion will remain in motion."

Self Deception 

One of the facets of my expertise is my understanding of the phenomenon of Fooling Yourself, . . . which is also termed "In Denial" by Freud, "Blinded" by Jesus, and "Self-Deception” by C. Terry Warner. When you are not being true, . . . it is actually your own sense of goodness that you are violating! In my helping approach, I do not overlay my value system upon you, rather, I help you live true to your own heart-felt impressions.

They are ”off” . . . but they do not realize that they are ”off.” They have a problem . . . but they don’t "think" that they have a problem.

When people go against their own sense of what is true, . . . when they violate their own sense of Life's Inherent Harmony, . . . it is then they descend into the darkness of "denial." They become blind to their own diversion from the truth, and further, they are blind . . . to their blindness. Because I am aware of the tell-tale signs when individuals are "in denial," . . . I will not facilitate clients in pursuing goals that grind against Being True.

There are clear and consistent signs that indicate whether a person is Being True. The tell-tale signs that YOU are "off" . . . and you don't think you are "off," are identified and explained in my book, "Changing Your Stripes," and the phenomenon of "Denial/Fooling Yourself" is detailed as well.

Scratching the Surface . . .

There are many more facets to my philosophy; a perspective that takes the tenets of Cognitive Psychology . . . and turns them on their head! This is because "positive mental affirmations" and "brain programming" are mostly effective for reinforcing outward verbal and physical choreographies, . . . and are essentially powerless for improving the inner core of one's character.

Methods utilized by traditional psychology are not only ineffective when it comes to evoking the only change that matters, . . . a change of heart, . . . but traditional interventions of therapy -- or what I like to call It's-Not-Your-Fault Psychology -- ironically facilitate "denial" of the root source of character flaws.

Try perusing the Table of Contents of "Changing Your Stripes." There you will see the topics I've written about that address your particular issues.

That's just a "taste" of my approach and philosophy. If you want to get a thorough sense of what I have to offer as an author and consultant . . . buy my book!

If you feel comfortable with my approach and philosophy, I invite you to take advantage of a complimentary consultation that comes free, . . . when you buy my book!

Read Dr Matt's Blog
What Service is Dr Matt providing?
Credentials & Personal Details About Dr Matt
Dr Matt's Philosophy and Perspective on healing and helping
Begin Telephone Counseling with Dr Matt

Disclaimer